When Submission Starts Steering: A Dominant’s Guide to Topping From the Bottom
Dominants Ask:
When your sub starts topping from the bottom, how do you nip it in the bud?
This is a question I see come up again and again, especially from Dominants who genuinely want to lead well but find themselves feeling subtly steered, corrected, or overridden during scenes or dynamics.
Let’s start by reframing the question slightly.
Most of the time, topping from the bottom is not something to be “nipped in the bud.” It’s something to be understood, addressed, and integrated. Because when a submissive starts directing from below, something important is being communicated.
First: understand what’s really happening
When a sub tops from the bottom, it is rarely about disrespect or power grabbing. More often, it is about:
Anxiety or insecurity
A lack of trust or predictability
Previous experience with unsafe Dominants
A nervous system that does not yet feel safe surrendering
A Dominant who is new, hesitant, or inconsistent
Unclear agreements about authority and decision-making
In short, the sub is trying to regulate the experience. If you respond with correction, dominance posturing, or frustration, you may technically “assert authority,” but you will lose the deeper submission you’re actually seeking.
The fastest way to stop topping from the bottom
Here’s the truth many Dominants don’t want to hear: Subs stop topping from the bottom when they trust your leadership, not when you punish it, not when you shame it, not when you ignore it. They stop when your presence makes control unnecessary.
Practical actions that actually work
1. Pause the scene, not the dynamic
If it happens mid-scene, do not argue or negotiate in the moment unless safety requires it. Make a mental note and address it later. Leadership includes timing.
2. Have the conversation outside the scene
Say something like:
“I noticed you giving a lot of direction during scenes. I want to understand what you need so you can feel safe letting go.”
Curiosity creates cooperation. Authority doesn’t need to be loud.
3. Clarify decision-making roles
Many dynamics fail because this is assumed instead of defined. What decisions belong fully to the Dominant? What input is welcome from the submissive, and when? How can needs be expressed without taking control. Clear structure is calming to the submissive nervous system.
4. Strengthen your leadership, not your rules
If your dominance is tentative, reactive, or approval-seeking, a submissive will naturally compensate. Slow down. Speak with intention. Make fewer decisions, but make them decisively. Presence is more powerful than control.
5. Invite surrender instead of demanding it
You don’t “take” submission. You make space for it. Rituals, grounding, eye contact, pacing, and aftercare all tell the body:
“You are safe here. You don’t need to manage this.”
What not to do
If you truly want to end topping from the bottom, avoid these common mistakes:
Calling it out sarcastically or publicly
Turning it into a power struggle
Withdrawing emotionally to “teach a lesson”
Labeling the sub as “not submissive enough”
Trying to dominate harder instead of deeper
Those responses create compliance at best, not surrender.
A grounded truth for Dominants
A submissive who tops from the bottom is not challenging your dominance. They are testing whether it is real.
When you respond with calm authority, emotional attunement, and consistent leadership, the behavior fades on its own. Not because you stopped it, but because it was no longer needed. That is dominance embodied.
If this question resonates with you, you’re not alone. These moments are not failures. They are invitations to refine your leadership and deepen your dynamic.
Questions and reflections are always welcome:
— Sir Christopher the Great